Duck Fast

Stayed tuned for DUCK FAST, the quickest (and best) way to eat fast and look great.  After all the time I've spent rendering duck fat, I've noticed that my hands look great.  So, working with a small manufacturing laboratory, I've developed a hand cream that tastes as good as any mortar and pestle-made aioli.  DUCK FAST works in two ways: first, just rub it on any chicken, pork, or beef, and have instant duck-flavored meat.  And, while you're at it, lick your fingers any time you're feeling a little too hungry to wait until meal time.  You'll notice before long that you're eating smaller meals and looking younger! 
DUCK FAST is guaranteed to make all your food taste as though it was made in the south of France, and before you know it, all that finger-licking-good fat will wash away wrinkles, liver spots, decrepitude and mortality.